20 Thoughts

“How does it feel to become 20?”

This has to be one of my questions 4-5 years ago when I was at the peak of curiosity in life. A child has this never-ending questions in his mind that make you scratch your head to think of an appropriate answer that would fit his scope of understanding , but a teenager has the most intriguing and thought-provoking ones which make you think and see a bubbled vision at the same time. I already passed this stage and now I’m at it.tumblr_nklx4gNZCm1qz8q0ho1_1280

How does it feel to be 20? Exciting. Grateful. Nothing changed.

Twenty is an age made up of 2 and 0. Simply, it is just a number. But when you think again, this is the start of adulthood. According to the famous psychologist Erik Erikson in his Psychosocial Development Theory, this belongs to the age group of Intimacy vs Isolation where one starts to seek for companionship and divulge in romantic relationships, or else you’ll be in seclusion. Thus, I hereby say: Welcome, self.

But then again, a beginner adult like me doesn’t run out of thoughts. So I came up with my 20 thoughts in a list:

1. Friends. They either make or break you. I’m proud to say that I have the dopest sets of friends in my life. Coz I know that I’m friendly enough to be blessed with these good people. I have barkadas, closed, and best friends, I don’t want to doubt them but I wonder who will remain & stay in the long run.

2. Family. What if these people I call family are the ones causing me heartaches every time?

3. Studies. I’m more dedicated to finish my course, yet I’m not just certain to continue med or just to become a nurse and not loving it.

4. Dreams. Do come true. But how? When I’m uncertain? In doubt? Unsure of? When these dreams seem impossible to be?

5. Identity. What if one day, I wake up & realize that I’m not really straight?

6. Society. I have always hated society’s prejudices.

7. Religion. Not that I doubt my faith, but my religion. Yet, no religion will save you. Still, where should I go?

8. Disease. What’s worse to have? A disease of the heart? Or a disease of the mind?

9. Trust. I have a lot of trust issues.

10. Happiness. I easily become joyful over little things but I always seek genuine happiness. That feeling when you’re in tears of joy? I want to have that.

11. Secrets. My secrets are just too many that even my concealed emotions are part of it.

12. Questions. Always have a lot in mind.

11. Answers. Always seeking for one. I want an answer!

13. Horrors. My life is a sad horror.

14. Peace. I want answers so much par equal to having an inner peace. I’m in constant battle with the conflicts of my life.

15. Failure. Coz I’m afraid to fail and be called such.

16. Intimacy. Not ready for a romantic relationship yet. But it’ll be exciting, for sure, if I get to have one! Why not?

17. Love. I’ll always find love in every way. I hope it’ll find me too.

18. Self. Still searching.

19. Future. The thought of it excites and scares me at the same time.

20. Now. Welcome to this new adventure! Embrace it!

| Written on September 15, 2015 |

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